Girl Talk. Relationships Are Dumb.

7:01 p.m. – Look at phone.
7:03 p.m. – Look at phone.
7:10 p.m. – Look at phone.
7:13 p.m. – Look at phone.
7:17 p.m. – Look at phone.
7:20 p.m. – Freak out. Consider typing “WHY AREN’T YOU TEXTING ME BACK,” in a rage.
7:21 p.m. – Come to your senses. Kind of.
7:22 p.m. – Look at phone.
Continue this until sleep.

You can pretend that you don’t do this when you start “talking” to a new person, but you do it. For a while, I thought maybe I was the only one crazy enough to obsess over a text message, but then I realized everyone does it. As proof, I witnessed it last night at a friend’s place.

This is where technology because the life-ruiner in relationships. The need to constantly be in connection with a person makes it almost impossible for either party to ever do anything right.

Not texting me back? Jerk. Texting me while I’m at work while I’m trying to sleep? Jerk. One word answers? Proceed to jump off a cliff, thanks.

Twenty years ago, you had to pick up the phone and call someone and say “hey, let’s go on a date.” This date required planning. It required brief communication. It required one party to make a decision, and the other party to respond “yes” or “no.” Simple. No bullshit.

Because you didn’t have the luxury of always knowing what that person was up to, you didn’t care.

Now, you want to make plans with someone, it takes 32 text messages, checking the calendar on your cell, and endless contemplation. And then in the end you’ll probably just get a Facebook message cancelling.

Let’s go back to the old-fashioned way. Okay?

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